Nor is it (much of) a diatribe about the omnipresence and apparent omnipotence, of multinational coffee chains.
This is more of a personal history and perspective of coffee and a preamble to a new recipe.
From the instant powder and my grandmother's bottle of Camp of my earliest memories, through Nescafé granules and the apparent superiority of freeze drying came the dawning realisation that this is not what coffee is all about.
And this is balanced against the strongly held belief that "Christmas pudding" is, to use common parlance, a "thing", ie a traditional amalgam of dried fruits, steamed into a seasonal pudding, to be served with brandy sauce, and not, definitely not, a flavour for coffee......more of that later.
In my youth, a long time ago, boys and girls, coffee was mostly drunk, in our household, in the evening, made from instant coffee powder and a 50:50 mix of boiled full fat milk and water. This was drunk from mugs, a nod to informality, in front of the telly, accompanied by a custard cream or Bourbon biscuit. A far cry from an espresso and a biscotti.
Roughly twice a year, on special occasions, the electric percolator made an appearance, the gentle blipping sound signalling a dream of sophistication, rudely shattered by a dessert of over gelatinous lemon jelly cheesecake topped with gloopy fruit pie filling.
The alternative of the time was offered in Di Palma's Italian coffee bar, an oasis of continental influence in the rural and deeply unhip town of my adolescence, where the hiss and drama of a milk steamer bestowed an after school romanticism to a cup of frothy coffee served in a white Pyrex cup and saucer, which could not be dampened by the disappointments of unrequited teenage love.
It was only when I left home that I discovered that my coffee of choice was freshly ground, strong and black and thus it has remained.
I can only drink my coffee black, but do not deny the legitimacy of a cappuccino or a latte; it wouldn't do for us all to be alike.
But enough with the syrups and flavours - coffee is coffee.
And whilst I am on the soapbox, I also believe that there are times and places for coffee and on foot is not one of them. A belief strengthened by the baptism by flat white that I underwent at the hands of a total stranger on the underground.....if you must drink coffee on the move, please hang on to it. That's £2.55 you threw at me, next time I'll take it in change ☺️
When did we become so suggestible that we feel the need to imbibe coffee between leaving the house and arriving at work - unless we have a 2 hour train commute. Coffee on a train journey is acceptable.
Why do we succumb to the suggestion that carrying a disposable cup, complete with baby sipper lid, of universally branded hot liquid imbues us with an image and stature that will be admired by our peers.
This strikes me as a posture, much like the craving for acceptance among my teenage peers with the lighting of that first cigarette. It's still only so much of an insubstantial smoke screen.
There is a line in Blood, Bones and Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton, a rollicking good read by the way, where she decries the woman asking for a "double skim, half decaf, vanilla latte" which had me grinning like a fool and which pretty much sums up how I feel about the adulteration and often, infantilisation of coffee on sale in the coffee shop chains. If you don't want caffeine, don't drink coffee, if you don't want calories, don't add milk or sugar. A gazillion calories in a warm cup of thick, oversweetened gloop with the coffee flavour subsumed by hazelnuts is the alcopop of the caffeine world.
These options pander to the twin monsters of so called clean eating and a growing sugar dependency with its attendant problems.
For me there are only 3 things that go with coffee and the last of these does not belong in a coffee cup.
These are milk, booze and chocolate. Ok, drink white coffee, I won't make it a crime when I rule the world, yes, add a slug of brandy, why not? And I will certainly not deline a slice of coffee and chocolate cake.
All of which brings me back to the original inspiration for this piece. A Christmas gift of licorice flavoured coffee beans. May the saints preserve us!!!!!
Not wanting to
a) feel Grinchily ungrateful and
b) wasteful
I tried to come up with a use for these and in all fairness, the resulting cake was pretty good and will probably work for any other flavoured bean you have stashed at the back of the cupboard.
1 tablespoon flavoured (or not) coffee beans, very finely ground
120g butter
120g soft brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tblsp Greek yogurt
120g rye flour
Pre-heat your oven to 160ºC
Beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the yogurt and eggs and beat again.
Stir in the flour and ground coffee.
Spoon into a cake tin and bake for about 30 minutes - or until a skewer comes clean.
Turn out and leave to cool before decorating with a coffee flavoured glacé icing - or, if you prefer whipped, ideally squirty, cream, marshmallows, chocolate sprinkles, a flake and caramel sauce.
This contains gluten, sugar, full fat dairy, caffeine.
To those with genuine allergies or intolerances, no offence intended. To everyone else - just get stuck in.
© Netherton Foundry Shropshire 2017
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